Zen My Soul

Stepping Up

 

I had a terrible night's sleep last night.

I woke almost every hour. I slept in a chair. There were people in and out of the room all through the night.

I got about 4 hours of sleep, way less than I am used to having.

But it was my honor, and my duty to be there.

My grandmother is dying, and I spent the night in the hospital with her, in a chair beside her hospital bed.

Growing up, my grandma was my "Dear Abby". She has been my rock, my comfort, my source of strength and guidance throughout my entire life. I have terrific parents, and I have been even more blessed to have such a wonderful grandmother. She always praised me and told me how great she thought I was.

She taught me about believing in God. She took me to church. We sang hymns together, and she demonstrated how to live a Christian life. She couldn't get to church on a weekly basis (or even once a year), but she read her Bible with daily devotion, and it is through her example that I know that living a life as a Christian is more about who you are than where you worship.

During my teenage years, I never rebelled because I didn't want to disappoint her in any way. Recently I told my parents that, and my dad said that he had her to thank for a lot of trouble that I DIDN'T get in.

She called me "Number One" since I was the oldest granddaughter. We could make each other laugh so hard that we would have a hard time catching our breath. If one of us was crying, the other usually joined in. My mom sometimes called us "The Bobsy Twins".

Sitting in the hospital last night, I told my grandma that she could talk to me about dying. So she did. And it felt good to have that honest conversation about her fears, her expectations of heaven, and how she wanted her homecoming celebration to go.

The doctors have said she may have a week to ten days left, and I hope that I get to spend another night or two with her. I keep saying that I want to make more time for my family, and this is a clear example of "put up or shut up", if there ever was one.

So no matter how much sleep I miss, I will forever cherish the hours I spent with my grandmother in her final days. It was an unexpected gift, for the both of us. And it was one of those times when you have to step up, even when someone you love is letting go.

Keep Going, No Matter What

"With chronic pain, you can wallow in it or walk through it. I'm going to walk. Somedays are baby steps and some days are a jog. But no matter what, I'm moving on."

                                                        me

 

Chronic pain feels like the devil on your back, no matter what body part hurts. And quite often, it's not just ONE body part that hurts, right? Let me get an AMEN from the choir here folks. If ONLY it was just one body part that hurt.

But no matter how you feel, you've got to keep going. That's why so many pain management experts recommend that chronic pain sufferers keep working their jobs as long as possible because of the structure a work setting provides the pain patient. That's a discussion we will leave for a different day, but suffice it to say that a structured environment has a benefit to someone (and drawbacks to) when you are in so much pain you can't think for yourself. You can just put yourself on the escalator of the rat race and roll with it!

My other point here is that if you are in chronic pain, you have to do more than sleep, lay in bed, and watch TV. If you don't, your muscles will atrophy and you will have bigger issues. A recent issue of Arthritis Today had an interview with a pain patient who said that she put on her makeup every day. She said that just that simple gesture made her feel better and provided structure to her morning. For me, I try to make sure I do that as well as have on my favorite silver jewelry, since I am a "bling-bling" sort of gal! Knowing that I look my best on the outside helps me focus less on my pain on the inside. On the days that I stay in my PJs until noon, not much gets accomplished and my pain level seems higher because I just feel "blah".

Do I still have high pain days at work, with my makeup on and my jewelry blinging out? ABSOLUTELY! You know I do…today is one of those days. But at least I know that I am fighting that pain with my own little arsenal of self management…one of my little tools among others that I will share with you here. I'd love to hear what YOU might find to be helpful to fight the demon of CHRONIC PAIN…share it here!