In October of 2009, I fell down a flight of steps head first at work. And from that point forward, my entire world changed. I entered the world of worker's compensation, myofascial pain, and other nasty things I don't want to soil my zen blog with. But suffice it to say that when you are being treated under a worker's compensation claim, even when there is a video of you falling headfirst down a full flight of steps, you are always always treated like you are faking.
My body has not fully recovered in the 16 months since the fall. I have been to many doctors and been on many medications. I have rested and I have exercised. I have lost 45 pounds, which I desperately needed to anyways. I have been tested, poked, and proded. But because my pain could not be seen, it was perceived as not being real. My family has been a blessing, and my husband took over so many household duties to help me heal.
Last week, something miraculous took place though. Two miraculous things really. First, I accepted that my life might always be this way. Not that I might not enjoy life ever again, but I realized that I had to make peace with the way things are vs. constantly fighting for the way I wanted them to be. In fact, I wrote this quote: "Sometimes the best dream is waking up to the awesome reality that you already have."
Also last week, a medical doctor told me that I did indeed have a treatable condition to deal with in my back, and then…my back stopped hurting so much. Now tomorrow the unbearable pain may return, or this reprieve may be longer lasting than that…but ever how long it lasts has been a true blessing to my soul because it has reminded me what it feels like to be healthy again after 16 months of sickness.
In my mind, at least, I got well because of acceptance. I accepted my illness (I also have fibromyalgia), and I got the weight of the world "off my back"…I quit having to prove to doctors that I truly was in pain. FINALLY, a doctor believed me. And once that struggle was over, the pain dissipated. Once the pain of being called a liar and a cheat was gone, and the tension left my body, my body healed itself, if only for a little while. Now I am not naïve enough about my conditions to believe that I will never have another flair up, but what I do know is this: acceptance is definitely less painful than push back, at least when it comes to chronic, life-changing health issues.
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